WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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