Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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