Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Damn victory sex feels great
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
