Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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