The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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