Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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