Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
