my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
