Small penises have feelings too.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
