Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
