I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
