grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Did we literally take a cab across the street
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
