drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
