Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
