I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
