i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
