what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
