It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
