I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
