Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize