haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
