Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
