reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
