her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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