me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
