Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
