Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You can't motorboat a personality
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
