i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
