I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
