you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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