i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
