jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize