Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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