You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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