Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
