So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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