i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
