im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
