At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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