How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
should my penis look like a turkey
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
