i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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