i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
