Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
