It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
