I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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