i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
