I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
