i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
