Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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