...so i touched it.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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