I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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