Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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