batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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