Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You smell like stripper and shame
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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