put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
