what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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