I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
