Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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