I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
