A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
