The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
