That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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