I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
