it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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