We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I could fuck to npr.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
