i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
