I think I am morally bankrupt
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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